A balm for those in crisis
By MARY A. JACOBS / Special Contributor to The Dallas Morning News

When a family member dies, grief often worsens a few months down the road – after the funeral, after the flood of visits and support from friends dries up, when life seems to return to normal and reality hits.

"That's when a Stephen Minister steps in," said Jane Lamb, a member of Inglewood United Methodist Church in Grand Prairie. "We're there for the long haul."

Ms. Lamb is a member of the Stephen Ministries – a huge but quiet army of laypeople trained to serve as a caring presence for people facing a crisis or major life change. It's a congregation-based ministry to people in the church and community who've experienced a death in the family, illness, divorce or even a new baby.

Inglewood is one of about 200 Dallas-area churches, including dozens of denominations, with active Stephen Ministries.

"It's one of the most powerful ministries that we have," said the Rev. Jill Jackson-Sears, Inglewood's senior pastor. "It helps our baptized members realize ... that all of us are called to be in ministry."

Stephen Ministers meet one-on-one with "care receivers," offering encouragement, prayer and acceptance. Currently, 10 Stephen Ministers serve Inglewood's 350-member congregation.

"We're not counselors and we're not therapists," said Ms. Lamb. "We're there to listen and to just be there with people through whatever they're going through."

Inglewood member Sondra Perry requested a Stephen Minister almost four years ago when her husband, Jim, was diagnosed with cancer. They met once a week through his treatment and in the years after his death.

"It was great to have a person that I could say anything I wanted to and not worry about whether she'd think I was completely crazy," she said. "My Stephen Minister wasn't there to fix me, and she didn't come with any agenda. She just listened."

Ms. Perry doesn't name her Stephen Minister, because confidentiality is an important element of the program. "Care-receivers" may share their experiences with others, but Stephen Ministers never disclose whom they've served or details of any situation. They want parishioners to know that their personal lives won't become fodder for gossip.

The ministry's name comes from the Book of Acts, which describes what might have been the first church administrative problem. Preoccupied with preaching, the Twelve Apostles worried that they were neglecting the day-to-day needs of believers. So, according to Acts 6:3-4, they decided on a plan: "Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word." Stephen, described as "a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit," was the first of the seven commissioned.

Stephen Ministries took this biblical management technique and franchised it. The organization has met with such success that it's become the McDonald's of pastoral care, with 1 million "care receivers" served by the estimated 450,000 Stephen Ministers trained since the program began in 1975. Some 9,000 congregations, most in the United States and Canada, representing more than 100 denominations, are currently enrolled.

"There are so many people who want to help people who are hurting, but they don't know how," said Joel Bretscher, director of communications for the Stephen Ministries headquarters in St. Louis. With this program, "you know you're going to be trained and then supported."

The organization trains local supervisors at intensive, weeklong Leader's Training Courses. (For Texas and nearby states, the course is held each February in Corpus Christi.) Churches typically send two to four leaders to learn skills in giving care and to get a detailed manual for administering the lay caring ministry system. The Stephen Leaders return to their congregations to train Stephen Ministers. Participants must apply and, if accepted, make a two-year commitment and undergo 50 hours of training. Once they begin to work with care receivers, Stephen Ministers also meet twice a month with a peer group for support and encouragement.

"Stephen Ministers are typically taking in a lot of painful feelings, and it can get them down," said Mr. Bretscher. "The peer group meetings refuel and regenerate them."

Stephen Ministries was founded by the Rev. Kenneth C. Haugk, a Lutheran pastor and clinical psychologist. Seeing that his congregation and community needed far more help than he could provide, he developed materials to train nine people in his congregation to provide one-on-one Christian care to individuals in crisis. It worked so well that other congregations wanted to try it.

"He never intended to create an organization, he just wanted to find a way to help himself," Mr. Bretscher said. "But God had other plans." Today, the not-for-profit Stephen Ministries headquarters in St. Louis has about 50 employees and trains some 2,500 Stephen Leaders every year.

For Ms. Perry, having someone to listen made all the difference as she sorted out grief and pain after her husband's death.

"I was always free to call her," she said. "Sometimes she just would know that I needed to talk, and she'd give me a call.

"What I've told people is, [the Stephen Minister] lets you tell your story until you are through telling your story."

"A pastor can't meet for an hour every week with 20 people in the church who need ongoing care," Ms. Lamb said. "But the Stephen Minister can be there, for example, for the first Christmas or the first birthday after someone dies."

And having a Stephen Ministry, Ms. Jackson-Sears says, means a church can better serve those who are in pain.

"The responsibilities of a pastor are so broad, there's no way you can take care of everyone," said Ms. Jackson-Sears. "It's a way for all of us to take responsibility for each other."

Mary A. Jacobs, a Dallas freelance writer, can be reached at maryjacobs44@yahoo.com.